RIP Dennis

I once saw a study where they did a brain scan on someone while playing music. The results were fascinating. I’m bout to double check it’s been so long, but I’m near certain it lights up all parts of the brain. Something amazing happens when we play music. It absolutely is a core human experience.

Edit: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1d-PlEAQMBY

Exactly. I also had the thought, if you breakdown music composition, it’s basically math. Music is math.

I literally just said it was relevant to me. Im not gonna argue with someone who sees music as a waste of time. Band was an elective. Accounting was also an elective (in high school). I took both.

For you, maybe.

Playing music is still my number one coping skill for stress, and still my number one activity that raises my self esteem.

I have done nothing with my music knowledge except enjoy it for myself. I played this recorder here, then clarinet, then bass clarinet, and finally today I only play bass guitar.

Still love it, and am grateful to have discovered I enjoyed playing when I was ten years old from school band. My band teacher was awesome. She encouraged me at a time no other adult did.

Edit, in middle school we learned the theme song from Jurassic Park. It was the first time I got shivers when we’d play it together on stage. What an incredible feeling. And now, some 25 years later, that theme song still rotates in my brain music playlist. I still remember that feeling on stage the night we performed it on stage in concert. Absolutely incredible.

I remember 4th grade was recorders, and in the fifth grade they began the elective of band, which I took because I could play the recorder. I chose to learn clarinet. Then in middle school practiced as a group with everyones instruments.

It was then, in fifth grade we began learning to read music properly. Today, I cannot remember truly how to read misic, but I remember many of the fundemtals from that time, and it’s aided in learning bass guitar after highschool. And now, I can aide my son in his learning guitar.

But it all started with hot cross buns on the recorder.

This is stupid.

In school they had us practice recorder in ghe 4th grade, ages 9/10. I took accounting in highschool, ages 16/17.

We did both. Not only did we do both, these two lessons were taught at very different stages of education.

Wild. I learned evolution. It was a whole segment in science class around the 8th grade. Blue state education… can’t believe we used to make fun of it.

I didn’t watch the whole video not gonna lie. Sorry about that, maybe the clip I saw wasn’t the whole thing, because I missed all that.

Im glad you’re preparing for your loneliness. The men of my father’s gen didn’t seem as prepared as you. I didn’t know being kind to my love was “a feelings game”. We don’t see it that way, but least you know who you are, that’s good.

Have a good day and best of luck to you in your endeavors.

Edit, watched the whole clip. I thought to review it yesterday and didn’t, my bad honestly, I wish I had. I see what you mean now. I totally missed the wife’s role when I barely saw it months ago. Saw where he says, okay I’m done.

Remembering why I dismissed the video, and many videos- because who goes to check on their partner with their phone in hand like that? What type of person, sees their husband feeling emotional and drags out their phone to record them? Its weird. The whole thing is fucking wierd to me. If my husband came out to me, phone in my face, my first address before speaking would be why are you recoding me? Stop.

I don’t know these people, and I am certainly not about to assign a generalization to society based off these two folks encounter. She is being dismissive in a moment he is being introspective. How many times have generders been reversed, or the same as eachother, where one person is being insightful/ introspective, and another human comes along to rag on them about it? We also don’t know what these two history is, nor do I care. Time fascinates me, especially it’s passage, 40 years is a long time, I get the sentiment, which is why I only remembered his voice not hers when recalling my memory of the video.

Im not going to base my own outlook on life on some person not understanding the sentiment, she was recording, why was she recording? She clearly had the joke in her head already, it would not have mattered what he said, she was already planning to say that it seems. The type of person who records/uploads videos of their family so often if fills a data center probably doesn’t have much introspection themselves. Those types I’m not friends with. It’s so weird. The dude was totally having a moment, and a sweet one at that, and yeah, she turns it to a joke. “Aww can’t you take a joke?” I can hear the voices from people who have said this to me. This isn’t some isolated incident- like, raise your hand if youve had a sentimental moment interrupted by someone being rude for laughs.

Anyway, agree with you about the video, still hold a different outlook on finding and holding love.

Wishing you the best man, I’ll give the next dog I meet extra pets for being a good boy in your honor.

Our first date was a walk in the park because we couldn’t decide. We walked for hours. I felt safe enough to even go back to his spot after where we smoked cannabis and talked still, for many more hours. Our first date was like 6 hours long and cost nothing but a bit of gas for the drive.

The spool of wire guy, is that the fella who’s sitting outside reminiscing when he first bought that giant spool of wire and now it was gone? A very sweet, sentimental moment for thst guy.

Not gonna lie, some women are like that I’ve heard. I’ve never been friends with those types. Shallow people gonna shallow. Before I met my husband, most commonly my first dates were usually bar dates, where I would pay my own drink, or be turned down when I went to pay for it. I’ll insist to pay, but if they insist again to pay, I’d let them, and in response to a free drink, I’d tip the server that extra instead. That was my personal code.

Of course, dating online from me started 15 years ago, and ended 7 years ago when I met my love. What’s it like today? I don’t know. If I didn’t have my husband I know I wouldn’t go back to an app today everything humans touch has been heavily monetized, if even before it was only lightly monetized. I always used Plenty of Fish, idk if that matters.

It’s not good to generalize men, nor is is good to generalize women. You end up boxing yourself in. Better to treat each person you meet with no expectations, and you’ll never be disappointed. I’ve had some guys I’ve dated do really shitty things. There are guys who are willing to talk to you everyday for six weeks, spend two weeks more to hit the three date marker, sleep together, and then- they ghost. Some men will put two months of effort in to get laid, then ghost. It hurts a lot, especially when you think you have connection.

I never let it make me resentful towards all men, because I’ve also dated total sweethearts, they’re out there. I found one. Im lucky.

Keep hope, and maybe you will too. I truly believe I was able to score such a baddie (who btw at the time had the same income as I did) because for the year and a half leading up to him I did a lot of self work. Not working out, but addressing my flaws, my judgements, my quick temper. Stress management was what I needed most. Just at the moment I felt nearly whole as a single, I met my husband.

I serve him coffee in the morning, not because he expects it, in fact if I ask, he’ll say “no I’m going to get up in a second”, so I don’t ask, I just bring him one. I do it because for one, I like doing acts of service, it’s self serving as it makes me feel like im being helpful, and in return I feel good. It’s totally selfish first because “he’ll think I’m sweet and appreciate it if I do this for him”. The “aw babes you didn’t have to” gives me dopamine like nothing else. He always denies my help, so I deny asking and just find ways I can. It doesn’t go unappreciated, he is always greatful, and if I bring him coffee four days in a row, and on the fifth day don’t, he doesn’t even mention it, he’ll get up, kiss me and ask if I want Dunkin. He supports himself without complaint, and is always appreciative. My doing kind things is “extra” for him, and I feel the same. (Lol edit: I could absolutely describe my husband and strong and independent)

I’ve dated men who you bring coffee for four days, and not on the fifth, they’ve now expected my service, and complain. Some will even poke, “why didn’t you bring me coffee today? Are you mad? Did I do something?” And it would turn to a fight. Those men, are not the type I entertain much longer. As soon as I don’t feel appreciated and like I’ve expectations not my own, placed on me by someone else, I am out.

But second, my husband deserves it. Because whether I look good or like shit, whether I bust ass and handle business, or I lay on the couch frozen depressed, he still loves me the same. He’s earned my service over and over and over again, just by being a kind and helpful human to me over the years. So I return the kindness with more.

And to be honest, I don’t always know how to support him on depressed days. I don’t think he knows what to do for me either, but we both respond to each other’s moments with thst kindness. I’ll make a special dessert for him, or run an errand he doesn’t want to run that day. I make myself available if he wants to talk, He does similar for me. I annoy him sometimes with “is there anything I can do for you to help?” But I still ask, and give him love when he says no or idk. Sometimes what he needs is space, (hey me too) and we do that for eachother.

Give kindness and you get it back. It’s so silly but it’s how I’ve lived. It hasn’t shielded me from pain, but it sure does make more opportunity for kind moments in life. If you’re looking for a fight, you will find one. If your looking to spread kindness, you’ll find that returned too.

Best of luck out there, I know it’s tough. I hope you find someone, even if it’s a dog or a friend or a life partner, that shows you the kindness your heart needs.

Edit: it’s so corny, and I doubt you’ll watch it. But as a teenager I watched the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”. Its a cheesy film, but with a really sweet message.

The woman is looking for love, and finds it, but not in the way she expected, it’s very sweet and I think helped me personally, in those formative years to drop expectations or at least, allow room for them to adjust. If you’re feeling lonely, no one will know you watched an old chick movie, and it might help you feel better to look at love differently as the woman is faced to in the movie. No one has to know you watched it lol

Lol ok

In no world will anyone convince me to share my person, to whom I don’t own.

I think its fair to say, myself included, many women want to date older men, not 20 years older, but at least a few. For me it was like 1-4 years older is good for me.

Honestly when dating, I found better results not worrying so much about age, but rather where their standing was within siblings and family.

As in, I am the eldest child, and my best relationships are with other eldest (or only) children. When I would date the youngest of a family the dynamic was so different, and I could tell he was babied by his mom growing up, I unconsciously had less respect for him. I broke up with him when I realized it consciously. He ended up marrying a nice girl years later, I learned she’s also the youngest in her family, they match.

I’m being so unserious, and I’ve had relationships not work out with other eldest sibling people, but it’s something I noticed when I was dating. I married an eldest child, and we’re peas in a fucking pod. It probably has something to do with they way our world view forms growing up in our familial hierarchy.

My husband is 38, we’re eachothers best friend. Feeling alone even in company is a sign of depression, which we both have, and both have had, since we were children.

I’m glad to be there for him on his off days, and he’s there for me in mine. That’s what it’s about no? He doesn’t see me as a “dick servicer” though, so maybe that’s the difference.

I’m sorry you so feel alone no matter what though, must be difficult getting through some days

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish 7/8 years ago. This baffles me, they don’t let you type your own content to show your personality? How are you supposed to get a feel for someone then?

Massive trucks? They need those trucks for truck stuff, like this giant dilhole parking with his wife to go to Aldi today. Not even a flag on the end of that ladder, it filled a whole spot by itself.

My couch wouldn’t fit in that bed, and every giant truck I see is sparkling shiny and looks like it hasn’t done a day of hard labor, much like the drivers.

My first thought was, I bet that man got a fat ass. He has them thic lady legs

Big facts yes, I hope you got something out of it too

I’ve turned off my spell check from my phone to practice. I hope to keep my mind sharp.

(Edit: greatful, grateful, is the bane of my existence since I was young, thanks for reminding me. Im not grate-ful like a flood grate in the road, I’m great-ful. The root word great- means good, happy. The root word grate- makes me think if a metal contraption in the road. This is why my brain does that. I disagree with the root word formation lmao)

I have ADHD, and probably a bit of dyslexia (yes, I still have talk to text on, and used it to spell that word), I’ve learned as I’ve helped my son with his learning disabilities.

I was able to mask and struggle through school undetected, my son not so much.

I got tired of computer programming telling me what word I should type next, autocorrecting words I didnt want it to, and a few months ago turned all that off.

This is a casual place, so I wrote casually and didn’t edit my paragraphs much for such. Sorry if anything was unclear to you. I’m also sorry you felt the need to punch down on another fellow human.

Read an old book from 1850-1900. The grammar in those books will give you a panic attack. Be easy

I dont see how the industrial complex is the most important thing to our society, here in the states.

I do see a cultural tendency to associate wealth with success. A notion that confuses me and I dont subscribe to, however is very prevalent here.

In the early 2000 the focus was college prep. College was marketed as the average persons line to success (wealth).

Today I think a lot of teachers are just trying to get through the day. The United States education, in my area, seemed to have peaked when I was in school. When the Bush administration passed the “no child left behind” act… I’ve since watched education go in the shitter. It should have been called “pass every student no matter what”. Also around 2010 they switched from teaching 5/6 year olds phonics and instead tried “sight words” for a time. A massive failure. I believe they have gone back to phonics now, I hope.

In the states, schools sign contracts with tech companies to supply chrombooks to each student, but like I mentioned, dont teach music composition anymore. Students of today, it’s been noted to me by professionals I work with, absolutely have less tolerance for difficult things than the students 20 years ago. But in my discussions, it’s not evident why. Even children with low/no/modersted screen time stuggle with task tolerance. So I don’t know.

I do know my state (2nd or 3rd state in the country for quality of k-12 education) now has public community college education available for free, or nearly nothing. Ive seen the flyers and buildings, I don’t know much about it, but I’m proud my state is offering alternatives to the large expensive universities. They are trying very hard to invest in the the everyday person here.

Just lay off “school is just a place you are trained to be a worker” alluding it is not important or meaningful outside of training machine cogs. It’s a juvenile thought made with little consideration to other invaluable educational experiences within childhood education. The purpose of school is to have an intelligent, healthy society capable of critical thought so that we may uphold democracy and society as a whole. Have we swayed from this in the last 10,15, 20 years? A good question. But I’ve heard the school/worker machines comment for longer than that.